Welcome to Sexual Resolutiona biweekly column by sex therapist Vanessa Marin answering your most confidential questions to help you achieve a healthy, joyful sex life. Here, she answers a question about fantasizing about someone who is not your partner. It feels uncomfortable, and want to understand why I keep doing it. All that it really means is picturing a sexual scenario in your head. It creates a different kind of stimulation at the moment and a lot of people really enjoy that extra stimulation. The same thing is true about non-sexual fantasies too, like dreaming about being a celebrityeven if you know you could never deal with the paparazzi, harassment on social media, and constant pressure. If you find yourself having a hard time allowing yourself to be attracted to other genders, it may be something to check in about with a sex therapist or counselor. For example, maybe your partner is going really hard and fast and you start fantasizing about someone touching you much more slowly and gently. Maybe you feel too nervous or self-conscious to give feedback or make a request of your partner.
The majority of lessons we learn a propos monogamous relationships are only about the joyful beginning, and not the act that comes after. That sounds improper to some people; disrespectful of your commitment to your partner. But accomplish you know what that imagining does? It gives you an opportunity en route for make a choice — to adjourn or to go. And by allowing yourself to imagine a different actuality, to acknowledge the possibility that you could conceivably be with someone also, and to still choose your partner? Not idealised, not ignorant, not adolescent defaulting; but conscious, chosen, ongoing allegiance. Noticing what is appealing about these fantasies can illuminate feelings or desires that are currently unfulfilled. Tell your partner how neglected you feel, how the lack of physical intimacy after that excitement in your relationship is creating an emotional distance, and leaving you frustrated. Talk about what you equally want out of life As enclosed in this column before, scheduling accepted sex can be a way designed for couples to get out of a rut, as it gives you acquiescence to prioritise your time together.
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